What I Know

I love:
*green
*pirates
*interesting people
*watching people
*mail
*penpals
*movies
*books and bookstores
*compassion
*having fun
*drinking
*being by myself sometimes
*making jewlery well and just jewlery
*making collages
*cutting up magazines
*learning
*tattoos and piercings
*motorcycles
*boots
*stories of revolution and strong women and men who made a difference
*other cultures besides this selfish American one

I hate:
*pink
*apathy
*stupidity
*whiny people
*having scars that don't have good stories
*having to live up to other people's expectations and standards
*school
*most girly things
*being girly
*crying
*patriotism for the wrong reasons and stupid displays of patriotism
*racism, sexism, ageism, and a whole slew of other isms
*poverty and homelessness

I fear:
*you (just kidding)
*being alone with no one to help me
*asking for help
*crying in front of others
*being weak
*waking up and going to sleep
*wasting my life and not making a big enough impact

I regret:
*not knowing what I wanted or want
*being oblivious
*being such a bitch
*not taking care of myself
*not knowing myself as much this past year as I have in the past

Think I am contradictory? Well every personality profile I have ever taken says so.

Christmas

Merry Christmas! or well the day after. I love Christmas partially because my birthday is the day before Christmas and partially because it is just a fun time of year. I stayed in Durango this year and my family came to visit me. They left this morning which was a lot sadder than it usually is. I kind of wanted to go home with them but I have to pick up Cece in a few days and I know I wouldn't want to stay two weeks there. If I had my own car or a way to get back I think I might have gone. I miss them a lot. More than I realized I guess.

Finals

I just finished with my 7:30 MONDAY MORNING Final. How stupid a time is that for a final. Oh well at least I am done for today. One down three to go! I fucked up and still have not finished my paper. I am going to do that today. It was due Friday but I am hoping my prof will be nice and let me still turn it in. I think he will. Well I'd better get that done today so I should start on that. FINALS!!!! I am almost done thank god.

I am going to fail

I am pretty sure that after this test I will be failing Spanish!!! Yay for me. I suck. I just can't seem to learn it this semester and it's not like it is really really hard but I still don't get it. Oh well on the positive side there is a chance that I will be able to graduate next year which is amazing and scary all at the same time. Finish school in three years! AAAHHH I think I probably will stay longer though because I don't really feel like I have learned enough you know? It just seems like I will be missing out on something if I don't go here for four years. I don't know what I am going to do but it is nice to know I have options.
On another positive note Halloween is now officially 4 days away but I am going to start celebrating tomorrow! Yay! I need to finish my costume....hum maybe I should do that now....no wait I have to finish my test. Damn oh well.
On an angry/sad note I hate it when guys cut their hair!!!!! I love long hair or longish hair and it pisses me off when people cut their hair. Ah well there must always be change in life and the only thing to do is say such is life. (besides it will always grow back and I am not that upset just disapointed)

Almost Halloween

Yay Yay Yay!!! It is almost Halloween. I've decided that that is my favorite holiday. I get to be anyone I want to be. ANYONE. I love it! I am going to party this year. I wish I was 21 so I could go to the transvestite ball at the abbey. Damn being young.
Woohoo I am going to direct the Vagina Monologues this year and I am so excited!!!!! I have so many ideas and I can't wait to meet the actresses and get started. AAAAAHHHH! It is such an amazing experience being in them I can't wait to pass that on to a group of new girls.
I am so fucking bummed! I can't be on FAB next semester because I have to take a fucking class during that time!!!! Grrr. I am all about the sound affects tonight. Any way I can't focus so I am off to bed.

Sometimes Things Just Suck

I just watched Garden State. I don't know why I haven't seen it before. Ah well I liked it all the same. It was pretty cute. I liked the scene in the bath tub. I have a friend that I feel safe with like that and it just makes me sad and wishing that I could talk to them more often.
I am so glad that it is the weekend but it never seems long enough. I have so much shit to get done and I have no time during the week. I am gone almost every day until 5 at the earliest and I start at 8. While this probably doesn't really seem like a big deal to most people who work full time it is killer on a college student. I am just as dedicated as anyone but with all the homework and work and the club and FAB I am just a little overwhelmed. I am super stressed and I can't make time for anything. My shoulders are starting to do that thing where they get sore and kinda shlumped. Definite sign that I am stretched too thin. I am so freaked out that one day someone is going to wake up and realize that I can't do this. I can't finish school. I'm not that smart. That I can't do my job. Ah well I need to get some sleep.

Counseling

So I decided to go to counseling. Mostly because Durr said it would probably be good for me. I have had two sessions and I think it may help. I've not been taking very good care of myself and so I suppose this is a step in the right direction. I have been so stressed lately. I have so much fucking work to do. I don't know if I will ever catch up. bleh. I think I will be alright though. Well I should get back to the massive amounts of homework I have to do. I suck it is a Saturday and I am doing homework.

Back at school

So I kinda missed school and at the same time I don't really wanna be back. I have been here a week and I still don't feel like I am back in the groove. I suppose I will get over it and just get on with classes. It kinda sucks because I am taking 20 credits which I haven't done yet so I hope I can do it. I think as long as I stay on top of things I will be alright. Well this is a boring entry but oh well.

Fuck

So I hung out with Bev today and I had a fucking blast!!!! woohoo Bev cuz uh you're the only one who reads this. Anyway but now I miss people and I am all sad and feeling well I dunno hopeless a little. Damn I always fuck up potential relationships. Fuckity fuck fuck. well At least I got some kick ass shot glasses to keep me company.

Who's Your Daddy

So today my mother just happens to mention that oh yeah your dad is coming down today and um well he may not go back to Denver. He may just move his ass down here. I am fucking pissed off! Why would he move down here? There is no reason to. I am in college most of the year. Amber is too old to give a shit about him now. It is way to damn late. Maybe he thinks that he is going to be able to find a job down here. But even if he does know where he is going to live? Oh yeah with us, fuck this shit.

Time to Lose

So I am searching for a job. Haven't found one yet but who knows what tomorrow may bring. This is not really the issue however I have decided that I need to stop complaining and hating and get off my fat ass and do something about my weight. I have just sat areound doing nothing for far too long, so this summer I am going to work on that one. Any way that is life for now. Night.

Home?

Home is not so great as I had hoped. I am slightly bored and need a job and my family is kinda driving me nuts.

Goin Home

Woohoo I get to go home tomorrow. I am slightly excited about this. I definitely need a break. I will be glad to be back in Canon for a while. Let's see how long the happy lasts.

Finals

Damn I have three finals tomorrow. I am going to study ... no really I am. I don't want to get up at fucking 6:30 so I can make it to my final at 7:30!!! AHHHH I don't get home until 2. Tomorrow is going to suck so bad. Bleh.

Don't feel good

I really don't feel good this morning. I wanna throw up but I can't. I just want this feeling in my stomache to go away.

Not going to make it til finals

I am so fucking stressed out and I think that I am getting depressed again. Maybe I should take my meds again...I don't want to though. I hate them. Fuck school I don't want to do it anymore. I just feel blah. I'm not even sure I feel much of anything right now. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to go home.

Simon

I love love love this song (loves must always come in threes as well)Lifehouse is the shit.

Simon by Lifehouse
Catch your breath
Hit the wall
Scream out loud as you start to crawl
Back in your cage
The only place
Where they will leave you alone
'Cause the weak will seek the weaker 'til they've broken them
Could you get it back again
Would it be the same
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
Left you with no defence
They tore it down
And I have felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
As you, I've felt the same
Locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered where you feel safe
You lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence
Did they see the consequence
They pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones breaking them 'til they've become just another crown
And I have felt the same
As you i've felt the same
As you I've felt the same
As you I've felt the same
Refuse to feel, anything at all
refuse to slip, refuse to fall
can't be weak, acn't stand still
You watch your back, 'cause no one will you don't know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
don't believe the lies that they told to you
not one word was true
you're alright, your're alright, your alright
And I felt the same
As you I've felt the same x3

Not Beautiful

I love this song it is by Radial Angel a band I discovered by accident at another concert

Not Beautiful-Radial Angel
Is anyone there
Does anyone care
Is anyone listening to me instead
I'm careful what I say
Careful what I do
It rips me apart those little things you do
So You lift my head
And put away the pieces to my broke heart that's dead
One thing I ask..

Am I not beautiful enough for you
Am I not rich enough to make you happy
Am I not beautiful enough for you
So now I'm falling out of reach
(Chorus)

Shoot it to me straight
I can bear the shame
Is that what you asked of me today
Sick of all your lies
Of the ones trapped inside
You don't give a hint of what you're thinking
So now you take me by the hand
And put away the pieces to my broken heart that's dead
One thing I ask..
I'm falling out of reach

(Chorus)
I don't care about those things
Because I'm beautiful
In God I'm beautiful
And I'm falling out of reach

What fire-path faerie are you?

You scored as Autumn Fairy. You thrive in the autumn, walking down the trails of fallen leaves. The scent in the air makes you feel alive. Autumn Fairy 71% Druid Fairy 65% Twilight Mistress Fairy 46% Raven Fairy 42% Ethereal Priestess Fairy 40% Pixie 35% Rose Thorn Fairy 25% Goddess of the Golden Dawn 21% Snow Fairy 17% Which Firefly-Path Fairy are you? created with QuizFarm.com

What sexy cartoon chic are you?

Tinkerbell


Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
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What classic pin up are you

You're Lili St. Cyr!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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Stressed

I have so much to do before next friday! I am really stressed out. I have three papers to write, two essays, a math project, two spanish projects, two tests and four finals to study for. AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I will be okay and I will get it all done. I can do this and do well. okay I just needed a pep talk. hehe.

These are some random things I made a while ago I just thought I would post them.

Pains

So today we decided that boys are hard to deal with so we are just going to use them for their bodies. LOL okay so not really, but they can be damn annoying at times.
I really miss certain people at times. Probably way more than I should. I really miss my boys. I miss Logan and Luke. Damn you boys are fun. Definitly need to call them so we can go to lunch. In all honesty the person I miss most right now is Dave. I really like him a lot. Fuck his girlfriend!!!!!!!!!! but I want him to be happy. But I want him. Damn boys make lives complicated. Bleh I am not in a very good mood. I need to get back to homework. Damn

I hate school

Damn School! I cannot find what I need to write this damn paper. Fuck Fuck Fuck. (Fucks must always come in threes you know) I really really want to be done with this semster. I want to go home and work and do nothing again. Bleh I hope I get to go to bed soon.

Hello World

So this is my first post which sucks because I have nothing to say but my page looked so bare. I will post something much more interesting later.